Director: Terence Young
Starring: Sean Connery,Ursula Andress
James Bond and I have a lot in common. We both appreciate fine women, exotic
cars, cool gadgets, baccarat, and vodka martinis (yes, shaken, not stirred). The
key difference is that he appreciates them close-up, whereas I am merely a
stand-by. I have watched all of the Bond films, even the short stints of George
Lazenby and Timothy Dalton. Now, Pierce Brosnan has done a good job of
resurrecting a franchise that was declining with the aging Roger Moore as the
famed 007. Although Brosnan's 007 is into biting women as foreplay (note the
last two movies where he leaves his Marv Albert on Sophie Marceau and Teri
Hatcher).
Before we got to the present-day Bond, there was Dr. No. It was the
movie that started it all. During the first twenty minutes, nothing really
happens. In fact, the first twenty minutes is about the camera looking for Bond.
Of course, he is playing baccarat at an exclusive club. He has a Martini in his
hand, is playing against a beautiful woman, draws a nine (the winning hand in
Baccarat), and is coolly uttering the line of "Bond, James Bond." The
idea of a cool customer who charms the ladies by constantly drinking and smoking
must have gotten RJR and Phillip Morris execs hot and heavy.
So here's the quick plot. Dr. No is an evil mastermind who has an underground
lair on a remote island (yeah, what are the odds!!!). He dresses up in an evil
outfit, has prosthetic hands, and is looking to dominate the world with nuclear
arsenal. And he has his femmebots to do his dirty work. Just kidding. It is up
to James Bond to stop him. Along the way, he gets sidetracked by Honey Ryder—also
pronounced, Honey, Ride Her—(Andress) and two other beautiful women. But she
ain't no Pussy Galore. Don't we all love some fine Pussy Galore? By the way, the
real way to finish off Bond would be to have a hot villain with all sorts of
STDs (syphilis, AIDS, herpes, gonorrhea, etc.). He sure won't die from bullets,
but he will certainly die from sexually transmitted diseases. This movie takes
place in the exotic Jamaica locale. Bond is sent there by M. Blah, blah, blah.
He is captured by Dr. No, a Chinese character played by a Brit. (Son't ask.)
Rather than killing him on the spot, Dr. No places Bond in an easily escapable
cell with no one monitoring the situation. Clearly, Bond won't get away from the
cell and foil Dr. No's plot, right?
For die-hard Bond fans, this movie is like the mecca. It's the one that
started it all. However, the casual fan won't like this movie for a couple of
reasons. First, some of the characteristics of the latter works are not on
display. Second, there is no Q, meaning that there are no cool gadgets. Third,
he doesn't drive an Aston Martin (or even a BMW). All you get is a young Sean
Connery parading around topless throughout half the movie. And who wants to see
that? Okay, maybe a barely clad Connery is the reason why the franchise survived
despite this lame genesis.
