Director: William Wyler
Starring: Charlton Heston
Charlton Heston is the king of epic movies. Actually, during the Golden Age of Hollywood (basically, before we were born), Charlton Heston and Cecil B. DeMille were the big actor-producer team in the manner similar to that of Schwarzenegger and James Cameron. And before he cashed in his chariots and Moses stick for semi-automatic rifles and the NRA, Charlton Heston was the king of Hollywood. And all Heston ever did was those sweeping epics that were long, sweeping, and, did I mention, long?
He may have been the first meathead to become a Hollywood hunk, considering he starred in movies where he was bare-chested all the time. Sometimes that works to create cult-classics like Planet of the Apes. Sometimes that annoys us, like when we have to see The Ten Commandments during Easter weekends. And we are sure glad that he didn’t bare his chest in True Lies (nice Schwarzenegger / Cameron link, eh?) and Wayne’s World. Of all of his overly dramatic movies, Ben-Hur is the best. Yes, Ben-Hur won the most academy awards ever. Without Ben-Hur, that title would belong to Titanic, so we are all thankful that Heston decided to hop on a chariot.
Judah Ben-Hur (Heston) is a rich Jewish price and merchant in Jerusalem around the turn of the millennium (during the whole B.C. to A.D. switch). His childhood friend Messala is the commanding officer of the Roman army that is sent to oversee Jerusalem. After all the “You are a Jew and I am a Roman but we are friends” speeches, they inevitably become mortal enemies. Judah is sent to row, row, row his boats, while his mom and sister are merrily, merrily, merrily sent to prison where they contract leprosy. But the comedy does not end there. During Judah’s journey, he is also aided by a carpenter’s son (Guess who? No, not Pinnochio).
Just as the Rock and the Undertaker settle their lifelong differences in front of a large arena, Judah and Messala do the same, in a chariot race that is clearly a mock of Star Wars Episode I: Phantom Menace. Judah is the underdog, and Messala is the people’s champion (like the Rock). Guess who wins? After the chase, one of them is alive and goes to find lepers and Jesus. That’s the whole plot.
This is a mixed bag. I like these sweeping epics, and I have seen Ben-Hur about five times. Some of you might not have the patience, as it will take up your whole entire day. Is that a worthy investment? It won 11 Academy Awards. According to my calculations, that is about 3 awards per hour. You make your call. You also have to make the call as to whether you believe that Charlton looks Jewish enough. After all, he is best known for being Moses and Ben-Hur, two of the most convincing Jewish performances in Hollywood history, unless you consider Ben Kingley’s role in Schindler’s List. So if you want to see Roman Gladiators in action and don’t want to wait for the Russell Crowe version, go out and rent Ben-Hur.
