I Hate Frats
It seems that for the past two years, the first two of my college experience,
I have constantly had a close friend in the process of punching or rushing or
being initiated into some random, pointless Greek brotherhood. It has almost
forced me to reevaluate my friendship screening process, but maybe I'll get back
to that in a future column, because for the mean time I'd like to focus on the
scourge of college communities across the country; I'd like to let the world
know why I hate fraternal organizations in the naïve hope of starting a grass
roots movement to expel fraternity evil from campuses everywhere.
If I could get past the frat-tastic wardrobe and burgeoning beer bellies, I
would, but since I can't, it seems like a good starting point. No matter where
you go to college, or high school for that matter, since frat boys have been
known to ignore age in the quest for real love, sorry, I mean cheap sex, the
look is undeniably recognizable. The haircuts change with trends, but it doesn't
really matter because they are usually covered with a backwards baseball cap
reading "Cocks" or "Woody" or some other hilarious college
mascot, and from there, everything just grows more generic. The Polo or
Abercrombie button up shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, khakis, and the
trademark frat boots.
It's not that I am trying to be Joan Rivers here, my fashion sense doesn't
usually go beyond jeans and a t-shirt. The point I'm trying to make is that they
are all the same dick. They all look the same, but it goes past that to how they
act, how they treat people, what's important to them. Being in a fraternity
requires a certain state of mind, a mob mentality that explains the racism,
sexism, alcoholism, and elitism that are all fostered by the Greek system. They
are all the same dick, so learn this now girls, if you think you've met the frat
boy with a golden heart, a modern day Julia Roberts hooker turned
beck-and-call-girl, the truth is, he's lying to you and you're lying to
yourself.
So you're reading and scratching your chin and wondering how I can justify my
numerous meaningful relationships with frat boys in light of my contempt. I'm
not going to claim that the guys I know are the good ones, and I'm not going to
apologize to anyone either. Generalizations are always dangerous, but I am
confident that fraternities are even more so, and the stats back me up. My
generalizations will not rape any college girls this year, nor will they poison
anyone with alcohol, or haze freshmen…well, maybe I'll haze some people.
