Let me start this by saying that I
am homophobic. Before you pre-judge what a homophobe is, I’ll define it for
you. I think that there is a misperception of a homophobe, just as there is a
misperception of a homosexual. No, I am not part of the homophobic society. We
do not have anti-gay parties. We don’t gather together to make fun of Judy
Garland, musicals, and Liberace. In fact, most of the time, I am not even aware
that I am homophobic. I am homophobic in the sense that I do not understand how
someone could be gay. Yes, I understand the concept. But since I have never ever
been attracted to a male, it is hard for me to fathom how someone of my gender
could. Am I being narrow-minded? Certainly. Does this make me a bad person? I
should hope not. I believe that every individual shouldn’t be judged. So if
people can be happy living in the intimate company of their own gender, so be
it. I guess I am homophobic in the sense that I have many close friends, but
none of them are gay. So I have not had the opportunity to grapple with the
issues of having someone I know come out of the closet.
When we are in high school, there
are no gay and lesbian clubs. Yes, there’s the math team. There’s the
knitting club. There’s even a chess club. But no group that addresses
homosexuality. Suddenly, when you go to college, everybody is coming out of the
closet. When you’re seventeen, you know you’re straight. Suddenly, you turn
eighteen and you’re gay? Usually, in college, the gay and lesbian
organizations are the most outspoken groups. Why is college such a wonderful
forum for coming out of the closet?
I think the fact that gay and
lesbian organizations exist is wonderful. I think that college should be a time
for you to discover your true identity. I decided in college that I wanted to be
an investment banker and get involved in squash. To each his own. However, I
feel that gays in college give homosexuals a bad rep. First, I blame society. I
think you discover your sexuality during high school as you are entering the
final stages of your puberty. I think you know whether you are straight or not.
The fact that high schools do not address homosexuality and teach tolerance
leads to fear of being ostracized or beaten up.
Second, college is too conducive
for coming out of the closet. So much so that even if you have a hint of
gayness, you want to declare yourself homosexual, as if that’s a cool thing to
do. Part of it has to do with the fact that college is your four-year home away
from home. So you can come out of the closet without the fear of your parents or
childhood friends finding out. The problem is that, after these four years of
establishing their sexual identity, many of them go back into the closet upon
graduation. Yes, their homosexuality gets tucked into the closet along with the
textbooks and the graduation gown. To me, that’s the part that I find so
offensive about gays in college. They are hypocritical. If you feel so liberated
from your sexual identity, wear it proudly. You sure are the most vocal of
groups in college. Just don’t change your identity when your parents are
visiting, you find a new job, or whatever. You are giving real gays a bad name.
Plus, it gives my less tolerant friends and classmates an opportunity to snicker
at you.
The reason that I do not have gay
friends is that I do not think of gay issues when I make friends. However, it
almost seems to be a pre-condition for gays to make friends. They want to know
whether you are tolerant of gays or even accepting of their lifestyle before
they would open up to you. Why the hell do I care? I have a few friends who are
black. They never ask me if I am tolerant of their race. I just enjoy sharing a
beer with them or going out to shoot pool. So if you have decided to come out of
the closet in college, please do us a favor by doing these things. First, do not
judge heterosexuals as your enemy. Sure, most of us do not understand your
lifestyle, but that doesn’t mean that you need to have a bias against us.
Second, if you are going to come out of the closet and be vocal about it, have
the cojones to continue your fortitude when your relatives visit, when you
graduate, and when you move on to a new career. If you are not willing to make
that commitment, you have no right to be vocal. Third, it is okay to be friends
with non-gays, too. Remember, you had plenty of straight friends when you were
in high school. There’s no reason to stop because you’re in college now.
