Over a span of three months, I went on dates with forty-three different
women. Yup, that’s right. Forty-three women. Of course, this would be
considered “off-season” by the late Wilt Chamberlain, but it is a number
that many men would envy. On a typical week, I would have a lunch date, a drink
date, and a movie date.
Before you think that I am scum, I want to provide a disclaimer. I was dumped
by a girlfriend of seven years. We began going out our junior year of high
school. Even a week before she unceremoniously dumped me, I thought that “Elaine”
was the girl I was going to marry.
To help me get over Elaine, my friends took it upon themselves to set me up
with any eligible ladies that they could find. Of course, I wanted to feel
better about myself, so I became pro-active in my dating search. But I was new
to this whole dating scene as I had effectively been off the market during the
prime of our dating lives.
Lesson #1: Let women set you up with a blind date.
I realized that my gal friends were better at setting me up than my buds.
Usually, the gals were trying to set me up with blind dates who shared same
interests and had great personalities. To be fair, I told them that I would not
date anyone who was not pretty. My buddies usually tried to set me up with the
hottest-looking gals. I certainly appreciated the gesture, and I even made out
with a handful of them. However, I was so used to being in a relationship that
the idea of sharing a beautiful conversation seemed more memorable than sharing
bodily fluids.
Lesson #2: Women love to be approached.
During the three months of my dating spree, I learned one lesson. Women want
to be approached by men. Sure, there are a handful of men-haters (lesbians), but
even many lesbians want to feel that they are attractive to the male species.
Maybe some of them were using the lesbian excuse to get away from me. I began
trying to make conversation with good-looking women wherever I went.
Supermarket, Starbucks, convenience store, bus stop. Perhaps I even hit on you.
I needed to feel that women were receptive to my charms. And while I managed to
snag a phone number from a dozen (out of perhaps sixty), I still enjoyed my
conversation. I think a 20 percent success rate isn’t bad. Plus, I am sure
that the other fifty (except the three lesbians) appreciated that I took a keen
interest in them.
Lesson #3: Be open-minded.
Initially, I made assumptions about what I wanted in my blind date, so I was
quick to pre-judge based on appearance. However, the really fun dates turned out
to be when we both relaxed and had a good time. I did not have chemistry with
all of them (in fact, most of them), but I still enjoyed the conversation.
Lesson #4: Treat them well.
During the seven years with Elaine, I realized that I took things for
granted. As I hit the dating scene again, I held the door for my date and tried
to put my date’s enjoyment above mine. Also, I made it a point to call or
email my dates a few days later to let them know that I had a good time. No, I
didn’t say, “Let’s do this again sometimes.” Even if it didn’t work
out, a phone call made the date feel special. I probably took Elaine for granted
during the latter stages of our relationship.
Lesson #5: Don’t burn bridges.
This is an extension of Lesson #4. Even if the date didn’t work out in
terms of chemistry or mutual attraction or whatever, I made sure that my date
had a wonderful evening. Five of my dates were actually referrals from my
previous blind-dates. I even had a few second dates from the referrals. The
women’s gossip network is better linked than the world wide web. So if you are
one of the “good” guys, you will have no difficulties in finding the right
one.
Conclusion:
So what did I do after my three months of dating? During the seven years with
Elaine, I began getting too comfortable in my relationship. The three wonderful
months made me realize that I am an attractive, witty, and charming guy. I
needed that affirmation. I also met women who seemed to gel better with me than
when Elaine and I first started dating. Yes, I miss her, but I can also accept
the fact that she wasn’t the one for me. As for the forty-three women, there
are three that really clicked with me. I look forward to knowing them better and
seeing if any long-term relationship can develop with one of them.
