I don’t know about you, but I used to watch so much television when I was
growing up. Usually, I would watch sitcoms whether they were on prime time or in
syndication. And when you’re young, you watch lots of sitcoms that you don’t
want to admit that you watched…like Full House. Don’t lie. You know
you watched it too. To liven the plot and increase the “cute” factor, they
always shove some child actor…probably on loan from the Neverland estate of
Michael Jackson. If the show somehow makes it past the first few seasons, the
show has legs. Well, unfortunately, child actors don’t become so cute anymore.
Here’s my list of 10 memorable sitcoms where the child actor gamble failed
miserably.
1. Diff’rent Strokes:
The whole show was about Arnold Jackson, played by a cute, doe-eyed Gary
Coleman. Sure, he was a kid when he was a 20-year old playing an 8-year old (or
something like that). But he grew up, I mean, grew older really fast. Imagine
the Gary Coleman that you see now on The Tonight Show…yeah, not so
good-looking. No wonder he’s a virgin.
2. Facts of Life:
This show had four young teens. The problem was that each season was one
actress’s turn to gain weight. First, it was Mindy. Then Blair became really
fat. Then Jo wasn’t looking too hot. And towards the end of the show, cute
little Tootie had the biggest set of mountains since Mt. Everest and K2.
3. Full House:
When the show started, the oldest girl got her part because she was Kirk
Cameron, aka ABC’s Golden Boy’s sister. The middle one was really cute. The
twin babies were okay-looking. But then the middle one decided to grow the Jay
Leno chin and she became butt ugly. How the heck did that happen? Speaking of
cute girls turning ugly quick…
4. Family Ties:
Tina Yothers played such a sweet little blonde girl when the show started.
When the show ended, she had a wider physique than Shaq O’Neal. And her nose
became huge. The $3 bowl cut didn’t help her self-esteem either.
5. Who’s the Boss:
Do you think I’m going to criticize Sam played by Alyssa Milano? No f’-in
way. She filled out nicely and grew to be such a hottie. And she did some
direct-to-video/Cinemax movies…heh heh. No, it was the younger brother. A few
years after the show, he came out of the closet. No, really? We would have never
guessed.
6. Boy Meets World:
Okay, the character played by Ben Savage was really, really cute. And he grew
up to be mildly cute. No, I’m talking about Topanga. Somehow, she had the
whole Kim Fields thing where she didn’t grow vertically but expanded
horizontally. She looked like Paula Abdul during the brief period when she
chunked up…
7. The Wonder Years
Speaking of someone named Savage, Kevin was so cute as a child actor. I
watched the show. It was sweet. He got more play than I did in high school, and
he was always getting blue-balled by Winnie. I stopped watching the show for a
few seasons. When I came back, he looked like Quasimodo while his nerdy friend
looked really suave. Of course, now we know that he’s Marilyn Manson.
8. The Cosby Show
How did Ruthie turn so ugly that they had to introduce another cute actress
to take over? During the last few seasons, Ruthie was dealing with puberty and
sex issues. That was pretty disturbing since we knew her since she was like 4.
Can you imagine Ashley and Mary Kate getting it on? No, that’s just gross…for
now.
9. Saved by the Bell
Yup, Kelly was hot. Zack was good-looking. So were some other people. But
what the hell happened to Screech? He was such a cute geek. He just became
really gangly and dorky towards the end. And let’s not talk about the series
when he becomes Mr. Belding’s butt boy after the whole cast left to bigger and
better things.
10. Blossom
Alright. This is a no-brainer. Mayim Bialik’s big nose, her Olive Oyl
figure, and her bad acting. Is it any wonder that she was a fixture on People’s
50 Most Beautiful People? Note the sarcasm. She is so ugly that there is not
enough beer at Anheuser-Busch to give me the beer goggles with her.
