First came the Oscars. Next came
the American Film Institute’s 100 greatest movies ever made. It was inevitable
that we would come up with our own list. Of course, our selection process was
less, shall we say, formal. We didn’t send out a list of nominations to our
users (too lazy), enlist the help of respected critics (wouldn’t return our
phone calls), or even do research on cinema (can’t read).
Before you begin our journey of
the Top 50 Greatest Movies ever made, bear in mind a few things. First, all of
these movies are, for better or worse, wide-releases. If there were major
hotties or babes, we gave that a consideration. For example, given a choice of
Jack Nicholson doing his wonderful acting or Neve Campbell and Denise Richards
exchanging bodily fluids, we chose the latter. And we made our list based on the
fact that you are more likely to have been influenced by, say, The Princess
Bride (not on American Film Institute’s Top 100 movies) than Citizen
Kane (number one on their stupid list). With the exception of a few movies,
most of the movies were released within our short lifetimes.
Two final notes: First, we decided
that Kevin Costner had no place on this list. Sure, he was knocking down our
doors and hollering, “Did you see Dances With Wolves, JFK, or Field
of Dreams?” We simply shouted back, “Kevin, go away! We’ll call the
police. Did you see The Postman, Waterworld, or Message in a
Bottle?” Second, despite our efforts to keep this movie off of our list, Titanic
made it. Yeah, we realize that there is a whole Leo coalition that we must
appease. Okay, now leave us alone.
Without further ado, here’s our
list. Hate our list? Please feel free to post comments. Remember that this is an
authoritative list, as we spent all of 10 minutes making it.
