“A computer, a sheet of music, a
squash racket.” However unrelated these objects may seem, when put together
they form a person, Helen Ho.
I am neither a computer hacker nor
a computer programmer. However, computers have had an impact on my life in ways
that my friends and even my parents may not realize. Thirteen years ago, when my
father decided to start his own computer business, my life changed dramatically.
With this successful business came monetary wealth. My younger brother and I
were given opportunities we never had before. I was able to take piano lessons,
travel, and attend Phillips Academy. The largest impact, however, was the toll
that the business took on my parents and the time I spent with them. They left
early in the morning and came home late at night, often too tired to do anything
but sleep. They did not have time to take me to the library or to check my
homework. We hardly sat down for dinner as a family and I seldom talked with
them about school or friends. That was how I grew up and learned to become
independent and responsible for myself. It was during many of those late nights,
after I had finished my homework, and when my parents had not yet come home,
that I would sit at the piano and play.
I began learning to play the piano
when I was eight and ever since then, I have fallen in love with the instrument.
Running my fingers over the keys always takes me to another place, a fantasyland
where I can be anyone I want to be, where I can do what I want to do, and escape
from everything in the real world. Playing the piano relieves me from the
stresses of everyday life. It is for my own enjoyment in times of solitude and
introspection. Reading a sheet of music, I feel as if I am an interpreter,
attempting to translate an encrypted language into a form that others may
understand and experience. It is amazing how the notes can come together to
evoke feelings and emotions. The beauty of music, in my opinion, is found in the
way in which it may embrace you and bring you into its melody. It is not
something to be passively listened to, but actively experienced. Playing the
piano has developed my spiritual side, which has helped me look into myself for
the strength to persevere and accomplish my goals, one of which has been to
succeed in the game of squash.
Squash has challenged my
perseverance and because of it, I have endured periods of self-doubt,
reassessment, readjustment, and acceptance. During my freshman year at Andover,
only two people were cut from the JV II squash team; I was one of them. With
this setback, I became extremely discouraged and began to question my own
abilities: If I couldn’t even make the JV II squad, perhaps I should look for
another sport. Was it really worth attempting to try out again if I was only
bound to fail? Despite these questions and feelings of ambivalence, I decided to
prove to myself that through practice and work I could achieve my goal.
Therefore, I began to play squash every spare moment I had, whether it was with
a partner, a group of friends, or on my own. When the next winter rolled around,
I not only surprised everyone by trying out, I made the JV II team and played
the number one spot for the entire season!
The computer and my self
motivation, the piano and my spirituality, the squash racket and my
perseverance; these three objects and qualities have had their own individual
impact on my life and together make me the person I am today.
EARLY TO CORNELL
COMMENTARY:
Reading this essay was comparable to watching an episode of MTV’s “Undressed”.
While there is a central theme (in this case, the author’s development; in
MTV, sex), the author may have been able to tell a better story if she focused
on just one or two items. As a result, you get a full picture of her background
but it is not a complete picture. Because she is trying to accomplish in one
paragraph what most applicants would do in a full essay, her attempt is
predictably shallow. Perhaps she should have written about just the computer and
the squash to demonstrate how her self-motivation and perseverance made her who
she is today. - Gil
Perhaps it might help if I knew what the initial question was: what three
things influenced you the most in your life, perhaps? That makes the most sense.
I think this essay is well-written and makes for an interesting read. It manages
to tell me a lot about the writer without being too overblown, melodramatic, or
egotistical, which is what often occurs in these essays. There did seem to be a
little melodrama in the middle paragraph about the piano, especially when
talking about the piano and spirituality, but then again, she may truly feel
that way. But like I said, it was borderline cheesiness, so she might want to
pull back a little on it. The biggest problem I saw with this essay, though, was
that it seemed to be very disjointed. Like I said, it would have helped to know
the initial question, but then again, if she had tied the theme together a
little better, the question would have been more obvious. The first paragraph
about her parents sounds a little disturbing, then she moves on to how piano
affects her spirituality, and squash shows how she persevered. Maybe she should
have focused on how she became stronger and more independent through all of
these things in her life and used that theme instead. - Jeyun
