“To Dream the Impossible Dream”
A few days ago at a squash camp,
the captain of my school team asked me during a water break, “Hey John, did
you ever think you would make it this far up the ladder?” At the time, I did
not give him an answer but instead offered a shy smile. My ascent has been
admittedly surprising. Two years ago, Varsity seemed like the unconquerable moon
from my berth squarely at the bottom of our JV2 team. But many hours of work
sealed my right palm with calluses and feet with blisters, and, feeling like
Neil Armstrong setting the American flag on the moon, I proudly marked the
number six Varsity spot with my name.
I have dreamt many other dreams
since I arrived at Phillips Academy as a ninth grader from Korea. I recall going
to the empty school music building on weekends and over vacations and practicing
the clarinet until my lips were too chapped to continue. Every Thursday evening,
I sat in the last seat of my school band clarinet section, staring longingly at
the seats closer to the conductor.
I look back to the time when I
turned as red as a ripe tomato every time I opened my mouth to simply say “hi”
or introduce myself. I, an international student from Korea, labored to acquire
the unattainable naturalness which my friends from Kansas or Kentucky displayed
so effortlessly. But even after countless nights of practicing a casual, smooth
“hi, what’s up” in front of a mirror, I continued to twitch from the
discomfort of saying the most basic, every-day phrases in English.
I remember the twenty hours I
spent every weekend in the periodical stacks in the basement of my school
library trying to translate puzzling verses from the Odyssey, or
incomprehensible dialogues from the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.
During the entire course of my freshman year, enviously watching my peers
discussing their involved thoughts on the books that we read, I opened my mouth
only three times.
I now laugh about my quavering
voice and shaky hands as I nervously made my first food delivery call, my
astonishment by the giant steak and cheese sub brought to me by a giant delivery
guy. I was unfamiliar with the practice of tipping; he was less than
sympathetic.
Three years have passed since I
dreamed the impossible dreams of improvement and acclimation. I have exchanged
my old place and frequent squeaks from my instrument for the seat marked
"Concertmaster" and the honor of playing a concerto with the school
orchestra. I can finish a Hemingway novel in a day and write short fiction
pieces just as well as native speakers, and, even more importantly, I can now
roll off a “What’s going on, ladies?” smoother than anyone that I know.
After an intense squash game, I can finish two of those subs in a split second
and still be hungry. And now, I make sure to tip the guy.
In the end, the seemingly
unreachable stars turned out to be closer than they seemed. I even caught some
of them. But I never quit dreaming. While polishing my backhand volley on the
squash court, I imagine what it would feel like to play in the professional
squash tour. Whenever I practice the clarinet, I envision myself performing the
unplayable Copland Clarinet Concerto with the Boston Symphony Orchestra. I dream
of the day when I can read books by Ovid in Latin, Jean-Paul Sartre in French,
and Confucius in Chinese. I picture myself giving an inaugural speech in front
of the Blue House as the president-elect of the reunited Korea. I am dreaming of
the day when I can proudly say that I have achieved these dreams.
Used for Harvard, Yale, Brown, Columbia, U-Rochester, Middlebury and
Georgetown
COMMENTARY -
This essay definitely accomplishes several points. First, this writer is a
recent immigrant from a foreign country. Second, he needed to adapt to language
and cultural struggles. Third, he is very determined and focused on many
challenges. Clearly, this individual is talented and smart. However, this writer’s
many talents create an essay that is borderline egotistical. As a reader, I
wanted to know more about the struggles of one or two challenges. Presumably, we
could infer that he would have similar difficulties in other areas. But he chose
to list activities that were initially struggles. And, of course, in the end, he
was better than other people in all of those. There is a fine line between
overachieving and flaunting. This essay seems like a re-iteration of the rest of
his application. For top schools, essays that highlight one’s activities are a
dime a dozen. His focus is a checklist of what he excels at rather than the
difficulties of overcoming a new culture, language, and environment. - Gil
The writer of this essay proves that he has accomplished quite a great number
of things during his short stay in America. However, it is unclear as to how it
actually occurred. I’d be interested in reading the actual path he had to take
to be able to speak the language or become a part of the American culture,
rather than read a list of the things he did. Many of these things I might have
been able to infer from his application alone, without the essay even. I was,
however, impressed with the strong language skills that the author seems to have
gained in such a short time. Unfortunately, there are too many times where he
uses very trite phrases (i.e. the Neil Armstrong comment), and the ending is
somewhat weakened by the fact that I can hear “To Dream the Impossible Dream”
in my head as I read the paragraph. It sums up all the things he did too
matter-of-factly, and sounds as if he is applying for citizenship in the U.S.
and wants to prove his loyalty. I think he needs to focus on one particular
accomplishment (which is how the essay sounds like it will be with the first
paragraph) and not list the other things - the applications board will see that
on his application anyway. - Jeyun
