Gabi’s list of Grammy winners
Now, I know the Grammy’s just
ended, so you probably just saw who won all the awards. Good, that saves me the
trouble of rehashing it for you. But now, a list of the awards you didn’t see
(these were handed out in another ceremony after the show):
Best performance: Madonna, hands down. The queen of pop still
reigns, pulling out all the stops on her “Music” number, which was by far
the most well-rehearsed, well-choreographed, and overall, the most entertaining
performance of the entire evening. It all went downhill from there.
Most overrated performance: Eminem with Elton John. Oh please,
do we really care?
Worst performance: Christina Aguilera (see above). Honorable
mention goes to all those people I never heard of who played classical or jazz
pieces.
The “he’s going to get his butt kicked later” award: Jon
Stewart, for all his jokes about Eminem’s supposed homophobia. He may come
back to The Daily Show in many different pieces tomorrow, but who cares? He
sacrificed his health for good jokes, which is always the sign of a good
comedian
The “I want to marry him” award: Jon Stewart. This really
has nothing to do with the Grammy’s (especially since his performance was sort
of lackluster), but I just thought I would throw it in there in case anybody has
his phone number or something.
The Chandler Bing “could you be any less enthusiastic” award:
Also Jon Stewart. Again, Jon, I think you are the funniest man on the planet and
I want to marry you, but you were off tonight. Nice try at pretending to be
enthusiastic when introducing the classical piano guy, but we’re not buying it
for a second. Stick to making fun of presidential candidates.
The best dressed (while performing) award: Tie between Madonna
and Faith Hill. Both were almost fully clothed, and managed to accentuate the
positive.
The worst dressed (overall) award: ‘N Sync. Justin, what is
up with your non-hair? JC, maybe you could give some of your hair to Justin? If
it gets any higher you’d need those strings to hold it up. And what was up
with Justin’s red pleather snakeskin number, and JC’s neon tie-dye homage to
the ‘80s?
Worst hair (besides JC’s) award: Macy Gray’s mop top.
The underwear award: Destiny’s Child. Do you think I could
get blue sparkly underwear at Victoria’s Secret, or would I have to have it
custom made?
The skank award: Christina Aguilera. Again, this isn’t really
based on just this evening, but she is just so skanky that I needed to throw
that in there.
Worst Pop/Latin crossover: Christina Aguilera. She has sparkles
in her dreads, is dressed like a Dalmatian, and is singing in Spanish with a
fake accent. ‘Nuff said.
Along the same lines, the “thank God she didn’t win” award:
Christina Aguilera’s Spanish language album, Mi Reflejo for best Latin pop
album.
The most undeserved award: Every time "Beautiful Day"
by U2 won.
