By
Anonymous
, Anonymous
The Rose
Christian was sitting beside me
swinging his feet because they could barely touch the floor. I put my hand on
his shoulder and said, "It's ok, you're up next." The past year had
culminated in this moment for both of us. It was Christian's first recital.
Every week since my sophomore year at
Andover, I worked at a local (Lawrence, MA) Community Service project called the
Lawrence String Program. Christian, an eight-year-old boy from the nearby inner
city, was my first student. I was teaching him all I knew about the violin: hand
positioning, bow hold, technique and style.
Christian helped me realize that it
wasn't only the notes that I had been teaching him. It was the pats on the back
or the scolding after not practicing as much as I had told him to that made him
work harder. I wanted him to love the violin and enjoy playing it. I wanted him
to strive to be better and to work hard to excel. I can remember what it was
like when I first started. I had teachers that were not encouraging, and I never
wanted to practice or play because of them. I did not want that to happen to
Christian. I did whatever I could to make him realize that all the practicing
would be worth it in the end. And with that reassurance, he began to work
harder.
I discovered what hard work teaching
was and how much patience I had to have. But the biggest struggle was coming up
with a way to make it fun for him. And when he had fun, I did too. I looked
forward to meeting each week and seeing what I could do to make him smile while
he practiced. Patience came in my pursuit to become a good role model.
"And last but not least is
Christian Vega." Christian walked up to the front of the room and grinned
widely, exposing his missing front tooth and said, "Hello, my name is
Christian Vega and I'm from the Lawrence Family Development Charter
School." I began to smile and continued for the rest of his performance.
Christian lifted his violin and belted out a simplified version of Beethoven's
Ninth Symphony. I held my breath as he played. When he was finished, he looked
over at me, and I gave him a "thumbs up." He ran to his mom who
congratulated him on his great performance.
I looked away for a moment and when I
turned around, Christian was looking up at me. He handed me a rose and said,
"Thank you for being a great teacher." What Christian did not realize
was how thankful I am to him for being such a great student. We pushed each
other. I pushed him to practice and try his hardest in all that he did and he
pushed me to be a good example for him and teach him to the best of my
abilities.
I gave Christian a big hug on the way
out. "You did a wonderful job and I'm so proud of you," I told him.
Parting ways, I gave him a "high five" and said, "Great job.
Practice hard and I'll see you next year."
COMMENTARY
This essay is fantastic for it provides many insights about the writer that
may not be apparent on other parts of the college application. First, we note
that this writer excels at violin and is active in public service. But, more
importantly, we immediately identify with this writer. Her compassion towards
her student and the satisfaction from Christian's successful recital are
genuine. By witnessing her interaction with Christian, we understand and bond
with the writer. This applicant was asked to describe a picture and its
significance for her entrance to Stanford. I am not sure how the admissions
officers will feel about her indirect approach, but I thought it was quite
effective. I read this about five times to find faults. Okay, if there is a
fault, this essay isn't as fun to read the fifth time around. - Gil
The story was good, and showed a lot of aspects about the writer's personality
and development of self. It was a bit on the sentimental side, which is familiar
territory for college application essays, but it showed some good lessons and
didn't try to hit you over the head with the sentimentality or drama. However, I
do think the concert performance could have been expanded to better demonstrate
the lessons she learned that she listed in the middle in order to differentiate
this from many similar stories from other applicants. There are also some
grammar issues - sentences that need to be simplified, for example - but
overall, the essay is pretty well-written and interesting. - Jeyun
