I could talk about the bare facts about Tiger Woods but you can get that on any sports related sites like www.espn.com or www.cnnsi.com. You already know what I know. When he was 3, he appeared on national television and taught Bob Hope a thing or two in golf. He is the best Black and Asian combo since Rush Hour. By the time he left Stanford as a sophomore, he had won 6 consecutive national titles. Now 24, he has already won all four majors, owns the scoring records on all majors, is the leading money winner of all time, and has the highest ranking of all time.
Now let’s talk about the good stuff. Before Tiger Woods became a national phenomenon, golf was a sport reserved for old white people. It was an uncool sport for a kid to be playing. In fact, this writer was on the high school golf team and was constantly teased about it. Golf meant nerd. Oh, to be in high school again. Tiger made the game cool again but he also brought something else to the game that is not so good—young kids taking up golf. Now, you may think that this might be a good thing, but the younger players take no time to practice. They just come to the course to try to whack the ball like Tiger Woods. These young punks do not realize that Tiger’s swing took decades of practice. Also, these brats have no manners whatsoever. They talk when I am about to make a three foot putt, walk all over my putting line, don’t replace divots, use range balls, and show no etiquette. Is Tiger to blame for this? No, that would be unfair, but a true golfer finds any excuse to blame everything else but his own golf game. Even the great Tiger fingerpoints at the gallery when he makes an errant tee shot. What a crybaby! What a rich crybaby!
Frankly, I have a love-hate relationship with Tiger Woods. He is damn entertaining to watch. He is the Jordan of golf. When he is playing his B-game, he is the best golfer in the world. And when he is playing his A-game, he is playing against history. But I cannot stand his guts, so I find little things to pick on to give me joy. First, I think that he should stop wearing red on Sunday. If you need certain colored clothes to rev you up, you are in trouble. Red is a signal for baboons with inflamed asses. Keep that away from the course, Eldrick. Second, Tiger has big teeth. His teeth are like repulsive horse teeth. One of the CBS announcers (they have the best golf coverage) talked about how Jack Nicklaus’ major championships are like the dangling carrot for Tiger. I have this visual of Tiger’s horse teeth trying to reach for these carrots. Third, his father craves attention like Oprah craves Ho-Hos.
Yes, I know that I am being unfair. But I think it is equally unfair that he can belt out 350 yard drives, have incredible putting touch and distance control, and maintain that competitive and killer spirit. Plus, he gets to make a great living doing something he loves.
