Below is a cover letter that we received from a prospective employee. Our comments are in parentheses. This is how not to write a cover letter.
(Name Withheld)
Address 1
City, State, Zip
phone)
August 14, 2000
Jeyun Choi
Marketing Manager
Campusnut.com
129 Franklin Street, Suite 222
Cambridge, MA 02139
RE: MARKETING INTERN
Dear Human Resources:
(why address Human Resources when Jeyun Choi is the contact person? Always address it to a real person when possible. When we provide you with a name and you simply type “To Whom It May Concern:” or “Dear Human Resources:”, you demonstrate that you are either careless or don’t really want the job. You shouldn’t express either.)
I am writing in response to the referenced position (Don’t write a generic term for the marketing intern position. We all know you are writing a standard cover letter but make sure that there is some customization), which I discovered while searching Jobtrak. I feel this position would be perfect for me, because of my prior work experience and my proven success in handling new challenges. Furthermore, I feel that with my computer skills, research experience, and marketing interest, I can add tremendous value to Campusnut.com. (This person said nothing in two sentences. A better way would have been to state something like this: My last two internships at XXX and YYY have provided me with real world experience including computer and research skills. While they may not be appropriate for the position of a marketing intern, I feel that these work experience and my desire to accept new challenges, along with my strong marketing interest, would provide a good fit with Campusnut.com.)
I am currently a marketing major at Bentley College with solid experience in a professional environment. (This is pretty good.) I have a strong desire to further increase my knowledge and exposure to the marketing industry through an internship with your organization. (Big no-no. You can tell that this is a generic cover letter as this person states “your organization” instead of Campusnut.com.) I have already gained many skills and have acquired a great understanding of this industry in my previous positions. (Okay, but generic) Additionally, I work very well individually, and in a team environment. (This sentence sounds stupid) Ultimately, I understand the importance of working hard and intelligently to achieve excellence. (This sound hokey.) (A better way to end this paragraph would have been something like this: I like to work in a fast-paced team-oriented environment where my ability to work hard and intelligently would be valued. I believe that my ability to self-manage would be critical to an organization that might not have the resources to provide for a formal training.)
I believe that I have the qualifications that this position requires (again, “this position” instead of marketing internship), and that I would be tremendous asset to Campusnut.com. I have enclosed a copy of my resume, so you may have a more detailed summary of my qualifications and skills. Thank you for your time and patience, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
(name)
