Why is it that the food in college cafeterias oftentimes isn’t any better than that in high school cafeterias? Considering that I attend a private institution, which requires each student (okay, their parents) to shell out upwards of $30,000 a year (unless you have received a generous financial aid award, which I have not), one would think that somewhere in that 30 grand would be a provision for some semi-decent food.
A few days ago, for instance, I got my lunch at our food court/cafeteria. The fast food offering there (Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, and Wrappers) is probably the best (read: most edible without inducing food poisoning) food available on campus, but I, being the adventurous soul that I am (I was always regarded as brave in high school, even insane, for trying whatever concoction our school cook chose to present us with each day), chose to get into the cafeteria line. I decided on the baked fish with a side of corn and mashed potatoes.
The baked flounder (or whatever kind of whitefish it was) can best be described as a rubbery, watertight piece of fish sandwiched between two pieces of cardboard, dipped in Tabasco sauce, and then burnt to a crisp. Aesthetically speaking, the filet looked harmless enough. Even appetizing, with a slice of lemon placed on top. Well, obviously looks can be deceiving. And/or deadly.
A sampling of some other culinary delights offered on campus: unrecognizable meats swimming around in grease-filled, pea-soup colored sauces (what is that lump in there?!?! Chicken? Fish?), salad bar lettuce with a distinct cellophane-wrapper aftertaste (and you thought they couldn’t screw up uncooked foods), and roast beef sandwiches with meat raw enough to stain the roll it’s on red, to name a few. Why should we (okay, our parents) be paying for this? They should be paying us, if anything, for even daring to try these things.
And then today, I read an article in our campus newspaper about people wasting food and throwing out whole meals in our cafeterias. Well, duh! People want to live! The article also went on to say that any untouched leftovers go to City Harvest. Really, are we trying to feed the hungry or kill them off entirely? Scraps from the dumpsters are less toxic.
From now on, I propose that eating school food should be part of the criteria for election into Phi Beta Kappa. I mean, hey, eating school food and surviving definitely constitutes achievement – it proves that you’re brave and have developed immunity to hazardous substances.
