By
Alan Smithee
, New York
Blind Date #1: 18/F/NYC
Let this article be a warning for all of you who have considered hooking up
with your online soulmate. I have gone on three blind-dates with my chatters,
and they were all terrible. As a general rule of thumb, the information
superhighway is not the quickest road to your heart. Rather than give you an
in-depth research on the pros and cons of blind dates, I will just tell you
about mine with the hopes that I can impart some wisdom for all you kutechik102,
hotstudintexas, sleeplessinchicago, and latinamammas out there.
Blind Date #1: Out with 18/NYC/F who is enrolled at a NYC school.
Well, this girl and I chatted online a few times. She seemed cool enough in
the chat rooms. She was into the same things that I was into. She liked Limp
Bizkit, Kevin Smith movies, the whole deal. Aside from her smiley faces, winks,
and "LOL"s, she was fun to talk to… except that she couldn't finish
her sentences. Anyway, we exchanged emails. She gave me a URL where I could
check out her photo. Her photos were a bit fuzzy but it looked like she had a
decent body and face. Well, what the heck, right?
So we agreed to meet up in the East Village of New York. After waiting for 10
minutes, this girl shows up. Well, I would say that she was 18 about six years
ago, and either she gained about thirty pounds since her photo or she just
swallowed a basketball. I already wanted to get out of there, but I figured that
we do the token 30 minutes of small talk before I jet.
I found out that she wasn't exactly in "school." Of course, she had
some grand excuse why she wasn't. She said something about admissions screwing
up her files or something. Yeah, sure. She also said that she works part-time at
Urban Outfitters because she wants to be a fashion designer someday. I am sure
that Urban Outfitters is the quickest path to becoming the next Isaac Mizrahi.
I tried to leave but she ordered something like three pastries and and a large
caffe latte. Perhaps she was trying to pack on the pounds for the upcoming
winter. (As a note: I just bought a small coffee.) At the end, when the bill
came, she made it clear that I should pay because it was the "gentlemanly
thing" to do. Well, I just wanted to get the hell out so I paid the $20.
I hope the fat pig is doing well at Urban Outfitters. Since then, I avoided that
chat room for the fear of running into her.
