Harvard University by Young Il Kim
Founded in 1636, Harvard University has established itself as the most famous university in the world. However, if you want to read about how great Harvard is, you can go to other sites (but please stay here) namely www.harvard.edu or www.thecrimson.com, the University’s daily newspaper, The Harvard Crimson.
For the first three hundred years of its existence, Harvard was a school where the boarding school kids from Phillips, Choate, Deerfield, etc. went to continue their education before they joined the old boys’ network in New York or Boston. However, like the rest of the top institutions, Harvard has become diversified in its student body with approximately one-third of the class being minority and 45 percent being female. It now admits over 80 percent of students from out of state. That is the good news. The bad news is that applying to Harvard and later receiving that big fat envelope in December (for early action candidates) or April (regular admissions) is harder than ever before. This is aside from the fact that attending the school will cost over $30,000 a year. So I guess that’s more bad news. Do do do da da da. Oh, I guess I can give you some more good news – if you receive admissions, Harvard has one of the more generous programs. For example, when I received my admissions, I received nearly 50 percent in grants, and the rest I figured out. So put away your violin and stop doing weightlifting because Harvard does not give you academic, athletic or any merit-based scholarships.
So let’s imagine that you are now a Harvard student. There are certain things that you will see during the four years of Harvard and that is a big guarantee. First, you will inevitably take a class with some of the most renowned professors, especially Economics 10 with Martin Feldstein. He looks like Mr. Magoo and teaches a class for you and your closest 1,000 friends. He used to have some big names do guest lectures in his class, including Lawrence Summers, Robert Reich, and John Kenneth Galbraith. Second, you will be asked to take someone’s picture in front of John Harvard statue. Third, you will see somebody who is a celebrity and is attending that school. Last year, you had Elizabeth Shue completing her long-awaited degree, while Natalie Portman was entering the first-year class. When I was there, Matt Damon skipped classes so that he could act for Lowell House. Also, the guy who did Aladdin was there, and the hottest of the Gore daughters was seen hanging out with “Mary Jane” at Finals Club parties.
When you are a first-year, you get to live in Harvard Yard. Despite what your friends might say, you cannot “pahk your cah in Hahvahd Yahd.” In fact, Harvard Yard is so sacred that all the movies that are done about Harvard don’t actually take place at Harvard. After your freshman year, you move to upperclassmen housing along the Charles River, or you get quadded. The Quad, former campus of Radcliffe College, is located just north of Canada, but a shuttle bus takes you to and from campus. Don’t get quadded. While Harvard dining halls have some of the best food, it still ain’t none of yo’ mamma’s cookin’. Inevitably, you will frequent the many popular eateries in Harvard Square. The venerable institution, The Tasty, recently closed its doors. Now, the mantel of the greasy burgers has been passed to Bartley’s. On any given night, you can go Tex-Mex and eat at Border Café. Be prepared to wait two hours for this popular joint. Also, if you have a good fake ID, you can go to Hong Kong and drink their scorpion bowl. If you have a bad fake ID, you can still go to the Crimson Sports Grille and drink their Bud specials.
There are some downsides to being at Harvard. When I came to Harvard, I thought to myself, “I am a Harvard man now. I am going to finally score some chicks.” That is a myth. There is no flood of Wellesley girls waiting to pounce on you. I was told that it is equally slim-pickins for the other gender. Second, once the novelty of Harvard wears off, you will become annoyed that you don’t ever get to meet the professors who teach your course. Harvard has this system where the professor is revered like a pharaoh. The downside is that you get to see the professor from a distance but get taught by the concubines, aka teaching fellows. Okay, the concubine analogy is a bit of a stretch, but most of your teaching fellows (Ph.D. candidates and assistant professors) can help you learn your stuff.
That being said, the ratio of the good to the bad is equal to the ratio of students to faculty (about 7:1). First, you get to brag to your friends that you went to Harvard, especially to those Elis at Yale. Yale students have to explain why they chose that school (Latinos often mispronounce Yale “Jale”—yes, that is the appropriate reference). No matter how much you pretend you dislike people who make a big deal out of it, you secretly relish it. Just don’t bring it up at every conversation. For example, it might be okay to say, “I am taking some good classes at Harvard,” but to say, “Yes, I would like to order the Big Mac. That is the Value Meal number one—number one like my school, Harvard. While you are at it, supersize my Harvard order,” is a bit over the top.
Upon graduation, you have the world in the palm of your hands. Thousands of companies recruit Harvard students and your chance of continuing your education at a top graduate school is rosy too. By the way, Harvard has top graduate programs in business, law, medicine, government and education. Harvard has one of the best graduation rates, and its alumni have some of the best paying and notable jobs. Some of these alumni include an overwhelming number of Fortune 500 CEOs, politicians and state leaders, Nobel prize winners, and actors. Some of the more famous alumni include John F. Kennedy, Franklin D. Roosevelt, John Lithgow, Al Gore, Tommy Lee Jones (Gore’s college roommate), Yo-Yo Ma, and Michael Crichton.
