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Eighties Rules
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By Young Il Kim
, CampusNut.com
80s, The Best Decade
As we begin the new millennium, my thoughts
go to the last two decades of my life. After all, those were the two decades
that I fully experienced. And I came to the conclusion that eighties rock and
nineties suck.
In music, eighties elevated Michael Jackson as the first true superstar since
Elvis. He broke ground as public demand for “Billie Jean” forced MTV to give
this black musician heavy rotation. In the nineties, his one true hit was
“Black or White” which is ironic because he seemingly is whiter than any
normal human being. And he is better known for his love of children. We
witnessed George Michael giving up his successful Wham act to go develop a solo
act. Well, nineties also had George developing a solo act. Eighties gave us
Sting whose “Every breath you take” ruled the airwaves. In the nineties,
Sting was doing back-up vocals to Puff Daddy and using the rest of his time
either saving the Brazilian forest or having tantric sex. Eighties gave us 1984,
Born In The USA, Slippery When Wet, and The Joshua Tree.
Nineties gave us To The Extreme, The Sign, Spice, and Backstreet
Boys.
In entertainment, eighties gave us a bar where everyone knew your name, the
Keatons, and David Hasselhoff in a cheesy action drama. The nineties gave us
Disney’s miserable TGIF, the Wayans, and David Hasselhoff in a cheesy beach
drama (okay, the last is better than Knight Rider). In the eighties, we found
out that Darth Vader was Luke’s father and biographic movies like Gandhi,
Amadeus, and The Last Emperor swept the Academy Awards. In the
nineties, we found out that Darth Vader has a thing for older women and will
look to score with Natalie Portman in the next installment. Nineties saw
biographic movies like Schindler’s List, Braveheart, and Shakespeare
in Love take home the Oscars. Key difference, though. At least, the eighties
brought us somewhat accurate depiction.
In sports, eighties gave us athletes striving to be the best at their sport.
Michael Jordan made the winning shot to bring UNC the national championship in
1981, defended home turf in the 1984 Olympics, and dazzle us with his athletic
ability. The nineties version was a struggling Birmingham Baron who became the
king of endorsers, starred in Space Jam, and became hotter collectible than
Pikachu. Eighties gave us athletes who strove to make a name in their
profession; Joe Montana, George Brett, and Wayne Gretzky displayed dazzling
skills as they led their teams to world championships. Nineties gave us Shaq who
has as many musical hits, movie blockbusters, and best-selling autobiographies
as he has the championship rings on his finger. For those of you keeping count,
he has no championships.
Lastly, there were notable celebrities and figures in each decade. Eighties saw
a flamboyant playboy (Donlad Trump) become a wealthy real-estate tycoon with a
keen interest in younger women. Nineties brought us a flamboyant playboy who
entered the most famous real estate, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, and took keen
interest in a younger woman. Well, as we enter the new decade, the eighties
playboy wants to replace the nineties playboy in the White House. Speaking of
Playboys, the little boys accessed porn by going through their fathers’
collections. In the nineties, Playboy was replaced by another seven letter word
to epitomize porn: INTERNET. Eighties saw O.J. Simpson end his successful career
as a slashing and bruising running back who terrorized foes like the Denver
Broncos. Nineties saw a struggling actor of the Naked Gun series revive his
career by displaying his driving skills on the Ford Bronco. Well, one thing
remained constant. He was and always will be remembered for his slashing.
Perhaps ten years from now, we will reminisce and realize that the nineties was
truly the decade to remember. After all, the decade that brought us Seinfeld,
Tiger Woods, Pulp Fiction, and Jennifer Lopez’s billion dollar ass
cannot be that bad.
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