I have to be honest. I love reading Cosmopolitan,
the magazine for fun, fearless females. Upon my most recent self-examination, I
have found myself to be neither fun, fearless, nor female. With the recent
advances in medical sciences, I could be, at best, one out of the three.
My personal obsession with Cosmo started about one year ago when I saw a March
edition with Rebecca Romjin-Stamos on the cover. I think I was hanging out with
my friends at the time in an office. Out of boredom, I started to read it. About
two hours later, I was hooked. Basically, the whole magazine is about horny
women. To many of you who have not read the magazine, I will give you a brief
summation. The whole magazine is divided into three sections. First, this
magazine caters to horny women who want to please their men and want to pleasure
themselves. Second, Cosmo is for horny women who are looking for flings
and land a man. Very rarely does one read an article about virginal girls who
are looking for that one long-term relationship. Third, Cosmo has these
quizzes that help one gauge how horny one is. For me, it is so fascinating to
read about what goes through the minds of the better sex. Mind you, I don’t
know that many women who are as morally loose and promiscuous as the entities in
Cosmo’s “True Confession.” Actually, I don’t know that many women but I
digress. (Note: if you are a Cosmo girl, email me at ykim@campusnut.com) Glamour
is okay. But they have gossip and fashion tips mixed in with sex. If I ordered a
lettuce salad, I don’t want tomatoes, cucumbers, and anything else, if you
know what I mean. Vogue and Elle suck. Basically, Cosmo is
my thing.
Now, enjoying Cosmo presents itself with a problem. I am currently
without a girlfriend (again, email me at ykim@campusnut.com) and therefore do
not have the luxury of reading my significant other’s Cosmo. I
initially entertained the idea of getting a subscription, but I would be
mortified to see my mailing label attached to a women’s magazine on the coffee
table. How would I explain it? At least, with the newsstand copy, I can pretend
that it was left by fine looking women after they came over to my pad. So now
there is another problem. How do I buy it off of a newsstand? I cannot go to a
local 7-Eleven where the clerk knows me and I run a chance to meeting someone I
know. It is awfully incriminating to hold a copy of Cosmo on one hand and
my Diet Pepsi on the other. (FYI: As Seinfeld would say, I am not gay, not that
there is anything wrong with that.) So one day every month, I do this trek that
involves me going to a supermarket store around midnight at a town that is not
near my workplace and my home. Given that I usually get out of work late, this
isn’t so hard. Well, at least it is worth the effort.
