20th Century Modern Art –
A class where the male to female ratio is 1 to 8. Opposite to History of World War II, which has a ratio of 10 to 1.
A Capella –
This is a singing style for people who consider themselves too cool for musicals but not talented enough to be in a real band. Going to an a capella concert counts as three dates. The novelty of singing without instruments will wear off quickly.
All Nighter –
Remember when you chose to watch the Dawson’s Creek marathon when you had that 20 page paper? Yeah, you will be paying for it by staying up. And like all the other times you stay up at night, there’s no sex involved.
Assassins –
Game you play where you get a water gun or Nerf dart gun and try to eliminate people on your list. But guess what? You are on someone else’s hit list. So be careful, watch your back, and don’t leave your room.
Bagging –
What you will do with most classes that begin at 8AM at the Science Center that is half a mile away from campus. “Dude, I got wasted at this party last night and came home at 4. So I bagged all my classes.”
Beer Goggles –
0 beers: That guy/girl is ugly
4 beers: That guy/girl has some unique profiles. He/She is funny…or is that the beer talking?
6 beers: From certain angles, he/she is quite good looking. And he/she is quite charming.
8 beers: Damn, he/she is so fine. I want to hook up with him/her.
10 beers: He/She is quite sexy. I am going to take him/her home.
Next day: Whoa, how did this Quasimodo end up in my bed?
Couch Duty –
When your roommate hooks up with an acquaintance, you have to leave the room. Often the by-product of beer goggles.
Dry –
A school that doesn’t allow alcohol for students in their dorm rooms or frats.
Due Date –
For suckers, this is when assignments are due. For you, this is the last possible day to ask for an extension.
Electives –
Classes that do not count for your requirements. Generally, these electives are the most interesting courses that you can take. Unless you are a real dork, you will avoid “Advanced Thermodynamics 303” and take courses where the grades are easy, the students are hot and the topic is shallow such as “Real World 101” or “the Simpsons: Analysis of the American Family”.
E-mail –
Advancement in modern technology that allows you to correspond with friends who aren’t that close without having to talk to them. For lesser friends, you can get away with e-mail forwards every three weeks as “conversation.”
Extension –
A term used to describe the fact that you did not do your homework on time and need extra time to finish the paper. Usually, these extensions are awarded to people with the best excuses. The best time to ask is a day before the deadline and to a teaching assistant.
Friend of a Friend –
Usually a fictitious character to enable you to tell lies and get away with it. “I have this friend of a friend who had a threesome with Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.”
Foosball –
A friendly competition of table soccer requiring fine motor skills and finesse. All fraternities and large dorms are required to have one. For those who are on the budget, two slices of pizza and a game of foosball count as a date. Each year the lunkheads at the IOC refuse to recognize this as an Olympic event.
Freshman 15 –
The reference to the weight gain that you will experience during your first year. Many factors contribute to this including too little exercise, nights of pizza and beer, starchy dining hall food, and boxes of Oreos.
Freshman Face Book –
More common at private universities, the Freshman Face Book is filled with pictures and profiles. This gives students an opportunity to check out their future classmates, making a list of all your prospective hook-ups. Hopefully, you won’t have any restraining orders against you when you graduate (see Stalker).
Futon –
All purpose furniture that serves as both a couch and a bed. When buying a used futon, invest in a cover, as it is likely to have seen more action than you have.
Gov jocks –
A term used to describe a student who dominates any discussion in class. Originally used to describe government majors who had political aspiration, now the term means anyone who does half the reading (if that) and talks on and on about the one topic that he/she knows.
Grade inflation –
A favorable situation where the professor believes that the lowest grade that one should receive should be a C and most people are given Bs and As. Sometimes, this is a school-wide phenomenon. Classes with high-grade inflation are often known as “grade guts.”
Hook up –
To discuss the contrasting philosophies of Nietzsche and Locke as you play horizontal hockey with your debater. More often than not, the verbal intercourse is secondary to intercourse. See beer goggles.
Intramurals –
For those who aren’t good enough to make the varsity squad, these quasi-sports enable you to compete with other groups of semi-athletes. In all of these cases, you have somebody who claims to have been great when he/she was in high school. Yeah, sure!
