This guide provides you with the basic professor types that you will (or have) encounter(ed) in college. Some profs will be hybrids of the kinds described here. This is not necessarily a complete classification; new species of the breed are always emerging.
The Old (and senile) Prof
These profs have been around since the founding of the University/College. They are hard of hearing, insist on doing things the way they have been doing them for the last 60 years, and teach the same lesson plan 5 times in a row. If they are absent one day, you worry that you may never see them again.
The Young (and unsure) Prof
In contrast, this species is just starting out and is usually in his/her late twenties-early thirties. S/he tries to be cool and wants very much to be liked by the students. Will resort to song-and-dance routines just to get the class to pay attention.
The Over-demanding Prof
Thinks that the only class you’re taking is his/hers. Assigns 500+ pages of reading per week, conducts extra mandatory discussion sections, gives out pop quizzes every week, as well as requires a 25-page research paper (in addition to a midterm and final). All for a 2 point class.
The Boring Prof
Probably the most dreaded of the species (maybe second to over-demanding, depending on how you see it). Characterized by the ability to induce sleep better than Nytol. Usually found teaching intro classes.
The Cocky/Condescending Prof
Assigns his/her own book as the required text to be bought. Assigns problem sets that nobody can do and says they are simple. Interjects lessons with statements like, “Well, when I was finishing up my dissertation at Harvard… When I was invited to Yale as a teaching fellow…”
The Plays-strictly-by-the-rules Prof
Requires everyone to speak up at least once every class and calls on students if they don’t voluntarily say something. Takes points off for every grammatical and spelling error. Passes around an attendance sheet.
The Foreign Prof
Speaks little or no English. Or, speaks fluently but with such a heavy accent that it is harder to decode than Pig Latin. Usually commands great knowledge of the subject, but is unable to communicate it to the class.
The Everyone-has-an-equally-valid-opinion-so-we-should-respect-what-each-moron-has-to-say Prof
Discussion in class:
Student I: “I disagree with the author’s view because he describes the process as one of a conflicting nature, which, if you read between the lines, contradicts his entire thesis.”
Prof: “Yes, you’re right - that’s a very good point. Does anyone have a different take on this passage?”
Student II: “Well, I agree with the author because he is just so cool. Did you know my cousin met him at a party the other night? He said he’s just like what he preaches in his books.”
Prof: “Well, yes, okay, that’s interesting too. You see class, no one interpretation is right or wrong, as long as you justify your views….”
The Grad Student
Okay, so this species doesn’t technically fall into this guide. However, the grad student certainly plays the role of prof in many classes, so they should be included. They are usually the most lenient about turning assignments in late (because they too are students!). Are only knowledgeable about the subject in their particular area of specialization.
