By
CampusNut Staff
, CampusNut.com
Just Plain Bizarre Part One
One of my suitemates is named XXX. I'm at XXX this summer, doing work, and I had the bad luck of getting stuck with him as a suitemate. He listens to less than top-notch
(translation: damned annoying) music at top volume, mutters to himself about male models in GQ magazine, walks around half-naked all the time (not a pretty sight, I guarantee), and insists on filling us all in about weird growths in his groin area! Oh, yes, and he goes by the name of XXX. In fact, he demands that we call him that. My other roommate XXX, once tried to call him XXX, and he almost threw his Isaac Asimov book at her. So, anyway, all week he has been making plans with this Internet girlfriend of his he met in a chat room; they've recently progressed to talking on the phone and now he wants to hook up with her in person. Unfortunately for us, he has invited her here and I really, really, REALLY do NOT want to be here when he tries to make the moves on her. I saw your flyers all around campus and I thought to myself how sexy those 'N Sync boys are and how much I enjoy the way they move. I've had to deal with this loser of a roommate all summer and I think my other suitemate and I need some kind of reward! (We wouldn't mind a lap dance from Justin, but obviously a concert will have to do.) All the more reason to go see 'N Sync on Saturday now that XXX has somehow roped himself in an unsuspecting female and is expecting some action --something we do not want to be within five miles of. Please, please, PLEASE give us the tickets so we don't have to see him trying to get up her shirt. Thanks so much.
--XXX
*******
HeY cAmpUsNuT.cOm!!! HoW'S iT gOiNg? I'm a 15 year old female. OkAy..FirSt
oF aLL, I aBsOluTly LovE SisQo anD pInk AnD I wOuLd jUsT aBsOluTly DIE iF I
gOt tO sEe NsYnC iN cOnCeRt. I'Ve NeVeR bEeN tO a CoNcErT bEfOrE, aNd NsYnC
iS mY fAvoRitE bAnD oF aLl tImE. NsYnC cAmE tO TaCoMa, WaShInGtOn, wHeRe
i'm fRoM, BuT I dIdn'T gEt aNy tIckEts, aNd I sToOd iN lInE fOr 3 HoUrS toO!
I wAs aBsOluTly dEviStated!!! PlEaSe! LovE yA AlL! Thanks! Ps~ I Love
christina A. and WWF aND i'd GladLy take those too!
*******
Dear CampusNut,
I *NEED* 'N Sync tickets! Seeing my favorite boy band in person would be the only way to redeem my musically awful summer vacation here at XXX.
The first night in my dorm I quickly learned things about the weirdos I live with. Downstairs, the boys listen to angry-death-metal-kill-your-mother type music into all hours of the night. Logically, this disgruntles everyone. In a struggle to regain their
minds, it's not uncommon to hear my roommate playing Chinese music, the girls upstairs blasting saccharine-sweet love songs or lame-ass dance tunes. And that's nothing compared to the opera singer next door... But worst of all, I must say, is the boy downstairs who insists on listening to the Backstreet Boys and comparing their music to 'N Sync's. This is a crime against humanity. The Backstreet Boys should be obliterated. The only way to save my eternal soul is to hear some truly great music. I beg of you, PLEASE send me to the 'N Sync concert! (Not only does my afterlife hang in the balance, but my goldfish just died and I'm very depressed.) I need some happiness in my life; 'N Sync is my only happiness! If I don't win these tickets, not only will I be the worst kind of lame teenybopper, but I will be a failure to lame teenyboppers around the world! It is my civic duty to attend this show and scream just as loud as the 8 year olds wearing their first tube tops. So, please, think of me this Saturday night if you choose to send another lucky person to the concert... Plus, I'll find out where you live!
Just kidding. =)
- XXX
