Someone recently told me the ending of the movie, Sixth Sense. Unlike rest of America who fell in love with this film, I did not see this movie and was looking forward to seeing it when it came out on video. However, now that I know the ending, the anticipation is gone. Because someone ruined a storyline for me, I feel that it is only fair that I ruin the ending of several other movies for my readers.
In Citizen Kane, rosebud is a sled. Don’t bother watching the whole movie wondering what Charles Foster Kane said. Yes, I know that it is critically the greatest movie ever made, but the movie is about a sled. Move on.
In the Star Wars trilogy, Darth Vader is Luke’s father. Maybe you already knew that. Unless you have been in prison the last twenty years, you probably may have heard people imitate James Earl Jones’ line, “Luke, I am your father.” By the way, my brother does a real good “Welcome to Bell Atlantic” but I digress. Speaking of Star Wars, the Liam Neeson character in the Episode I: The Phantom Menace dies. He gets killed by Darth Maul. Although you would have known that even before seeing the movie if you bought the soundtrack. The last track is about Qui-Gon’s farewell. Speaking of Darth Maul, he dies too. Good news though, as Obi-Won Kenobi has demonstrated, dying in one of the episodes doesn’t necessarily mean that a character won’t appear in future movies. Also, the servant girl Padme is also Queen Amidala. Padme has this whole Prince and the Pauper thing going on which I cannot understand. Padme = Queen.
Hmm, what other endings can I ruin? Speaking of Star Wars, Harrison Ford, the greatest Star Wars actor of all time, stars in Presumed Innocent. In this movie, the wife did it but is presumed innocent. Get it? Well, doesn’t matter. In the Blair Witch Project, all three filmmakers die. Like you did not know that.
What about the most successful movie of all time, the Titanic? Well, the ship sinks. It hits an iceberg and does a slow sink into the cold Arctic Ocean. Leo DiCaprio’s character dies, too. Basically, the Kate Winslet character wouldn’t let him up on the little wooden float as he died from hypothermia.
In Tom Cruise’s movie, The Mission Impossible, it was Jon Voight’s character who was the mastermind beyond the assassination of Tom Cruise’s team. I will ruin the ending of MI2 at my earliest convenience.
In the movie, American Pie, all four of them score. The guy with a steady girlfriend loses his virginity that night. The guy who has a thing for pies does it with the most famous band camp flutist. The uptight guy scores with a milf aka Mothers I Like to F**K. It is unclear whether the lacrosse player scores with that American Beauty girl. But they have extended foreplay. Obviously, he is a big fan of tantric sex.
In Scream, it was the boyfriend and the dude who says, “I’ll be right back.” In Scream 2, it was that woman who plays Roseanne’s sister. I don’t know her name but she plays an aspiring reporter. I will update you as soon as I get around to seeing Scream 3. Have fun.
